20 Questions With the Doctor

I went to the doctor’s yesterday which means I had a lot of time to spend reading a book I really loved. I’m not telling you about that book—yet. (C’mon, I thought cliffhangers made all readers scream for more.)

Here’s how the whole thing went down:
The Phone
ME
Hi, I’d like to make an appointment with Dr. Soandso.
NURSE
What’s your full name and date of birth?
ME
It’s Tracey Neithercott and my birthday is April 19, 19–*
NURSE
Insurance provider with the ID number and group number?
ME
It’s such-and-such.
NURSE
And your reason for visiting?
ME
(Insert long, descriptive explanation of my latest health woe.)
NURSE
Okay, are you available on Thursday, June 30 in the morning?
ME
That’s perfect.
NURSE
See you then.
The Forms
  1. Full name
  2. Date of birth
  3. Insurance provider
  4. ID number
  5. Group number
  6. Elaborate explanation for visit.
Intermission
Read a good deal of previously mentioned book while waiting.
The Nurse
NURSE looks over file.
NURSE
So, what brings you here today?
ME
Long, detailed description of my latest health problem.
NURSE makes notes in the file.
Intermission
Read even more of said book while waiting yet again.
The Doctor
DOCTOR looks over file. I truly believe he can read.
DOCTOR
So tell me about what’s bothering you.
ME, staring
DOCTOR, staring
ME
Long descriptive, detailed explanation of why I’ve jumped through 402 hoops to sit in that chair for more than a half an hour.
DOCTOR
Let me take a look.
You should know three things:
  1. Time slows inside doctor’s offices.
  2. Despite common sense that would suggest otherwise, nobody reads any of the notes taken prior to an exam
  3. I’ll review the mystery book** on Monday.
*I’m not giving away the year. I’ll let you decide whether I’m usually mistaken for someone younger or older than my age. (And, yes, I realize you can easily find it with a quick Google search but whatever.)
** No, it’s not THE book I’ve been dying to real for, like, ever. I’m still teasing myself with that. No Divergent until this round of revisions are done. I’m sure they’d go a lot faster if I stopped reading…
I could really go for a cookie right now